WHAT DOES IT REALLY FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE IT?
DEPRESSION
By Laurie Stein
I get this question a lot. People ask me often how it really feels, but describing depression in words is difficult.
People living with mental health issues like depression can look completely normal on the outside, but they are truly miserable on the inside. To make this disease more challenging, every person’s symptoms are not exactly the same. Not everything on the “depression check list’ provided by a doctor will apply to everyone who suffers with depression.
When my depression took hold, it was one of the happiest times in my life. Truly ironic since my now husband had just proposed marriage, and I was thrilled to be moving to live with him in the same city after two years of long distance dating.
Once I arrived in that city, I fell ill and could not get off the couch. It felt as if someone was sitting on my back, and I couldn’t get up. Normally, I loved to eat and cook, but I was completely uninterested in both. When I wanted to sleep, I would lay awake, staring at the ceiling…yet I was completely exhausted.
Watching television was not of interest, seeing friends was impossible, and trying to carry on an intelligent conversation was beyond anything I could fathom at that time.
My brain was mush, and I was a blob that lay on the couch all day, sleeping most of the time.
However, I was not sad; most people think when a person is depressed, they are sad. This isn’t necessarily true. As I said above, not all of the depressive symptoms will apply to all people. I was extremely happy! I had found the man of my dreams and was about to be married. Which was extremely puzzling!!!
Why in the world I was so ill???
Multiple physicians could not figure out what was wrong with me. Keep in mind, I went through my severe depressive episode over twenty five years ago. I bounced around from doctor to doctor at the medical school in town and was poked, prodded, and had what seemed like every test run on me without any results.
Someone finally had the bright idea to send me to a psychiatrist, and — desperate to feel better — I obliged. When the psychiatrist handed me a list of symptoms for depression, I was in disbelief as I read them and identified with so many.
The psychiatrist told me she suspected that I had severe depression.
“Wait…What? This can’t be true.”
She also said that she wanted to try me on one medication, in hopes that I would soon feel much better. My mind was racing, but I was open to her idea because I had felt so terrible for so long; even my honeymoon had passed by this point.
The first medication did not work; in fact, it gave me vertigo. But the second medication made me completely well in just a few days. Incredible, right? From what I hear from physicians, it is pretty common for a patient to have to try several medications before they find the right one that works. Which sucks! But as soon as the right medication match is found (which could be a cocktail of meds), a person starts to feel better within a few weeks. The patient just has to hang on until the doctor finds the right medications. Yea, I know, the waiting can be tough for the patient. It’s just that the brain and the corresponding chemicals are super complicated, and finding what each individual person needs to get well can take some time. The message here though is that the treatments available for psychiatrists to use to get a patient well.
Don’t give up after the first try.
;your story isn’t over yet
