“Hey Ladies, What’s the Hardest Thing You Are Dealing with Right Now as a Parent?”
A Mom on my Facebook group answered this fill in the blank question I posted….
Her answer…”My kids and their decision making!”…
Yep, that’s a tough one for a mom to stand by and watch as our adults-in-training maneuver their way through some good and bad choices!
Here a few suggestions I posted in answer to what she said…
1. You are only human, and you can only do what you can do as a parent.
2. It is normal (and VERY hard) to worry about the decisions your children will make as they turn into adults.
3. Kids are kids, and they will not always make the best decisions, but this is part of growing up and learning. They shouldn’t always do the right thing if they are ever going to learn anything. Set your expectations appropriately, or you will be miserable every day.
4. Try to remember the teen brain is ruled by emotions (the amygdala). Decision making is run by the frontal lobe part of the brain, not developed until a person is 28 years old or so. Your child may be big and tall like an adult, talk and have a deep voice like an adult, and think he or she is an adult, but that doesn’t mean the brain has fully functioning decision making capabilities. Be ready for some bad decisions.
You are your child’s Guide. (If you haven’t shifted into the Guide or Mentor role, we need to talk.) Your role once your kiddo hits the teen years is TO GUIDE your child back on the right track when and if (and it will!) some bad decisions are made during those developing years.
Decision Making, Problem Solving, and Emotional Regulation. All three of these I discuss over and over on my webinars, group sessions, and one on ones because these three processes are run by the frontal lobe of the brain. Full development for a human does not occur until late 20’s. We can’t expect a child to act like an adult if they do not have an adult brain.
I see parents setting unrealistic expectations with their children every day. We are setting our kids up to fail.
Let’s all take a minute to reset and shift ourselves back into a Mentor role for our kids once they hit their teenage years. They need the chance to fully develop the skills and brains to give them a chance to adult without interference of a helicopter parent trying to rule their life and have expectations that will never be “real”. Give children the chance to make their own decisions and develop.
Were you a perfect teenager? Be honest with yourself here.
YES, our kids will fail and fall on their face, but this will also teach them and they will learn. Your job is to be there for them to support them, and nourish their spirit to get them going in the right direction again.
What will the future look like if our children grow into adults without decision making, problem solving or emotional regulation skills? If you are a parent, it might be time to let go of control and shift your role into Mentor. Our kids need to grow up if they will be our future leaders.
